Run Away with Me

I went running last night for the first time in about a month. It wasn't easy but it was good. I even ran without any music, which for me is a big deal. It started out as just a walk, but once I was outside, it felt so nice that it turned into a run. I am determined to conquer this thing. I know I can do it, I have before. It's just finding the motivation and time to keep at it. I joined the YMCA a month ago, and have yet to darken the doors. Partially because it's about 20 minutes away. Partially because I've been sick since the middle of July. Partially because I just haven't wanted to. So at this point I've begun refering to the money I'm paying the Y as a donation rather than a membership fee. I really like running outside better any way, it's just been too stinking hot lately and I can't handle it. I don't do heat well, or cold for that matter. A girl I work with says I'm like a snake because I can't regulate my body temperature. Running is hard for me for several reasons.

• I have bad knees. I always have. I did physical therapy in college which helped some but running on a treadmill still kills them after a few days.
• I have this annoying heart condition thing that goes haywire when my heart rate gets to high. Therefore...
• I take this medication that limits my heart rate both at rest and when exercising. That means my heart can only beat so fast when running. Which means only so much blood is getting pumped to my body. Which means there is only so much oxygen available to me when I run. This all gets a bit better as I build up endurance, but still there's a limit to what I can do.
• My thighs rub together. Enough said if you experienced it you know why this is a problem.
• I am incredibly self consious when I exercise. I'm sure people really don't pay that much attention to me, but I'm convinced they do. I hate looking stupid in front of others and I know when I'm running I don't exactly look like a world class athlete. Probably quite the opposite. People driving by are probably reaching for their cell phones wondering if they should call 911 for the girl who looks like she is about to pass out at any second. My face gets really red when I run even if it just a short distance and I'm not dying.
• I also sweat a lot. To the point that sometimes it makes my skin itch. I wonder if it's possible to be allergic to sweat. Because by all logical reasoning that means I could be allergic to exercise as sweat is the product of exercise (isn't that how all those ridiculous geometry proofs work?)
• I get bored when I run. Even when it's outside. Hence why I almost always have music with me. I have to have gum too cause I get this really funky taste in my mouth when I run and it makes me want to puke. I also have a hard time thinking about spending an hour or so just running. Not that I have a problem spending that time on the couch in front of the TV, but to spend it running seems crazy to me.

But I'm determined this time. I am going to stick with it. Fall is just around the corner, which means cooler weather is on the way. I am committed to losing weight and running will help me greatly with this goal. I really want to run the 5K this year at the CFF Great Strides walk and maybe even the Turkey Trot this Thanksgiving. So for now, I will keep on putting one foot in front of the other, because this eventually will get easier.