Moving On

I've been reluctant to add a new post to the blog these past couple of months. Plenty has happened in my life, but nothing that seems as worthy as my last post. My tribute to Nathan was written with such emotion, and anything I've tried to write since then just doesn't seem to measure up. For a while, I couldn't even log into my blog because looking at the pictures was just too painful. I still miss him like crazy, but I know Nathan wouldn't want us living in the past. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting him, I don't think anyone who knew him will ever forget him.
In 2 weeks I will be walking in the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's Great Strides walk at Lee University in Cleveland, TN. The money we raise by walking goes to help fund research and hopefully to someday soon find a cure. The link to my page is below if you would like to donate to this very worthwhile cause: CFF Walk
As for the rest of my life..............
I've been doing some more decorating in my house. The dinning room is still empty, except for 2 chairs and some dust bunnies, but that will soon change. When I head to Chattanooga, I plan to extend the trip down to Atlanta to visit the wonderful land of Ikea where I have found a lovely dinning room table and chairs.
In my effort to get in shape and hopefully lose a few pounds in the process, I have been hitting the gym several times a week and have taken up yoga. The yoga class I do at the gym is relatively relaxing and not too physically demanding. However, I purchased the Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga Video, and level 1 is kicking my butt! It's a good workout though and for all those people who don't think yoga counts as exercise I dare you to try this and then tell me what you think. It definitely makes you sweat!
I am also planning several trips in the coming months and have been busy searching for the cheapest flights I can find. In April I'm headed to DC to hang out with the girls for the weekend and am anxiously counting down the days. This summer I'm going to be volunteering at 2 different Young Lives camps. One is in Arizona and the other is in New York. If you don't know about the Young Lives ministry, you should check it out. I am very excited about this opportunity. I'll be doing medical stuff in AZ and childcare in NY. I also plan to spend some time out at Doe River Gorge again as camp "doc". It was lots of fun last summer.
For now, that's about all that's happening in my world.

Heroes

There aren't many people in this world that I would consider heroes, but every now and then someone steps into my life that fits that description. For me that person was Nathan Smith. I meet Nathan 5 1/2 years ago during PA school. A skinny, red headed kid, with a big smile, who always seemed to be cooking up some scheme. To look at him you would never know that he suffered from a serious disease. Nathan had cystic fibrosis, but that certainly didn't stop him from pursuing his dreams. He never let his condition define him.

Anytime I hung out with Nathan, I knew it was going to be a good time. He had one of those magnetic personalities that just drew people to him. It was hard not like him. Nathan was a fighter and had a faith that never seemed to waiver. I watched him deal with being sick during PA school, and never once heard him complain. Nathan had a joyous spirit that was certainly contageous.
I know that I will think of him everytime I watch Bad Boys 2 (I'm pretty sure he could recite the entire movie), play Halo or Guitar Hero, pass a red F150, drink rootbeer, see a patient who takes pancreatic enzymes, watch a Colt's game, go out on the lake, hear a Rascal Flatts song, cookout, play flag football, or hear a guy giggle like a girl. I am better for having Nathan in my life for the time that I knew him. I know he had a significant impact on my life and strengthed my faith in Christ.

Tonight, Nathan lost his fight here on earth. He will be greatly missed by many, but I find comfort in knowing that he is with his Father now. He feels no pain and is finally free of his disease. Nathan, may be gone, but his memory and the impact he had on so many that had the pleasure of knowing him means he will certainly not be forgotten.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

I got my tree this week and it is now up and decorated. It was a steal at only $8 (I'm a bargain hunter even when it comes to my tree!) I love to take all the ornaments out of the boxes and carefully plan how they will all be arranged on the tree. I have my old favorites, but look forward to adding a few new ones each year. My 2 additions this year from Hallmark are a Fisher Price Little People Barn ornament that is an exact replica of the real thing-we had one growing up and I'm sure it's still around somewhere, and The Hungry Caterpillar book ornament that has always been a favorite of mine. The Cabbage Patch doll is an old one. I had the actual doll that matches the ornament. The Scrub Top was added last year.

I'm starting to feel very Christmasy. Christmas music is playing almost constantly in my house now. The baking has started and will be in full swing this weekend. The traditional cut-out Christmas cookies will of course be made, but this year I'm trying my hand at my Granny's chocolate fudge and the McGowan gingerbread cookies. If you are lucky enough to live near me, you will get to sample some of these wonderful goodies!

Let it Snow???

Last night while I was at work, some one came in and said it was snowing outside. I'm thinking okay, it's just spitting a few flakes and everyone's getting all excited. That was not the case though. It was seriously snowing! The ground was pretty well covered in a relatively short period of time. Fortunately the roads stayed clear and when it was time for me to head home, I had no trouble.
This morning when I woke up the snow was still there and has continued to fall off and on through out the morning. Now, I like snow. I really do, because hey if it's going to be cold it might as well snow! However, I feel like I got cheated out of fall this year. I love fall, and was looking forward to enjoying it back in the mountains again. While the fall colors were amazing this year, thanks to some decent rainfall, there wasn't very much fall like weather. It went from being 80 to 35 in a matter of days. What happened to the 60's and 70s? The drastic and sudden change in temperature has been quite a shock to my system. I was in Richmond this past weekend visit my wonderful college roomie, and it was 80 on Saturday. I was wearing short sleeves and we were sweating while walking around. And now less than a week later, I'm sitting in winter wonderland. Maybe there's a little bit of fall left out there, but I'm afraid winter may be here to stay. So bring on the snow.

Tapachula 2008

So I've been back from my trip to Mexico for a little over a week now, and decided it's time to blog about it a bit. Although it's hard to explain the full extend of what I experienced while I was gone, I will do my best to but into word the amazing things that happened during the week.
Saturday morning, I flew from Nashville to Chicago and then Chicago to Mexico City where I met up with the rest of the team. I was quite glad to see people in matching shirts as I had a little trouble finding them. Last time we flew through Mexico City, there was only one terminal. During the last 2 years, they built a second one. Which would be fine if there was a sign or map that told me that. However there wasn't. There is a major lack of signage in Mexico. Somehow you're just supposed to know where to go. Fortunately I found a nice airport employee that spoke English and explained to me where to go and how to get my boarding pass. Once I finally located the Sky Train that would take me to Terminal 2, I thought my troubles were over. I was wrong. In order to board the Sky Train, you have to have a boarding pass of some other proof that you are a ticket passenger. The only thing I had was my luggage claim tag that showed my flight path. The first security guard I encountered wasn't going to let me on with just that, but fortunately there was a second one who was nicer and let me on.
So when I finally arrived in the other terminal, I was very glad to see some familar faces. To my surprise and delight one of the familar faces was a surprise. One of the nurses that went 2 years ago had signed up at the last minute and I didn't know she was coming. We had a blast last time and shared many wonderful memories and I was quite excited to see her there. Our plane was late leaving Mexico City, which is more of the norm that the exception! As we're sitting on the plane the announce that some of the luggage will have to be left behind and delivered the next day because the plane weighs too much. Not exactly what you want to hear as you are preparing to depart. We did make it safely off the ground and arrived in Tapachula (where the humidity was 99%) and waited to see what of our luggage made it. I was fortunate and both of my bags arrived that evening. We then headed to the hotel for some much needed rest.
Sunday morning we got up early and headed to the hospital to hold clinic and set up the OR. Last time I ended up being put in charge of organizing the central supply area and I was more than happy to take on that role again. I like things to be organized and have a place. Yes, I'm type A, but it really is helpful. The rest of luggage that was supposed to arrive that afternoon didn't and we were left wondering if we would have instruments to do surgery the next morning. Very late in the evening we found out that the bags had been delivered to the hotel and everyone's bags were there.
Monday through Thursday we spent in the OR during hysterectomies, bladder tacs, and even a couple of appendectomies. Oh yeah, and I can't forget the polyp. :) I did a little bit of everything. I scrubed, I circulated, I assisted, and helped out wherever I could. Things went pretty smoothly. Friday was supposed to be a free day, but we had two patients that we ended up operating on, so skeleton crew of us went to the hospital and the rest visited and orphanage that we established a relationship with when we were there 2 years ago. We had a few complications and difficult cases, but everything managed to work out in the end. Prayer does amazing things. That night we had a big banquet where they thanked us all for coming.




Saturday a group of us decided to go rapelling. We drove way up into the mountains and then down into a valley. From there we hiked back into the woods to this large rock with 2 waterfalls. It was amazing. The path to the top of the rock was slick, very narrow, and only a couple of feet from the edge of a cliff. It was a bit of a scary climb. I ended up chickening out and didn't go rapelling, but I had a good time anyways. Since I didn't go down the cliff, I got to climb back down the narrow path, which was an adventure in and of it's self! At the site there were all these little flying bugs that for some reason really liked how I tasted and I ended up covered in bites. They didn't itch at first, but they sure did the next day! I'm still scratching at a few over a week later!
Sunday we got up at 4am to head the airport where most of had a 640am flight to Mexico City. A group of us were catching an AA flight from Mexico City to Dallas and they told us we would have to pick up our bags and recheck them in Mexico City. So when we arrived, we went to get our bags, but they never showed up. For some reason they didn't put them on the plane in Tapachula and said they were coming on the afternnon flight. We all had to file luggage claims and as a result, ended up missing our connecting flight. Fortunately we were all able to get on standby and I arrived in Nashville only 4 hours after I was originally scheduled to. My luggage arrived Tuesday evening at the Tri-Cities Airport.
It was an amazing experience once again. It was fun to see old friends and make new ones. The memories we made will last a lifetime. I already planning for next year and hope to again see some familar faces!

Too Close for Comfort

I have gym claustrophobia. And what exactly is that you may ask. Let me explain. I go to the gym (often times drag myself) to work out. Not to socialize. Not to be seen. Not to impress others with my amazing fitness skills. I am there to try and maintain some semblance of a healthy life. I am quite particular about my routine at the gym and do not like for it be messed with. I use the exact same treadmills and bikes whenever possible. I am also quite particular about HOW I workout. I intentionally try and go during non-peak hours so that there are not a lot of people there. I hate to have to use a machine directly next to someone. For some reason there are a large number of people out there who have little to no concept of personal space. Allow me to elaborate (this is where my claustrophobia issues start to come in). I'm at the gym on the stationary bike. There is an entire row of bikes. There is only one other person using a bike. Way on the other end from the bike I choose. I am just getting in the zone when this other women decides to use a bike too. Rather that choose one of the many other available bikes, she picks the one right next to me. I hate when people do this. I'm not sure why but it really, really bothers me. I like my space. There is no reason for someone to crowd me at the gym. I understand sometime there is no choice if all the other equipment it full, but there was no reason for this. I try very hard to never use the treadmill, bike, or elliptical directly next to someone. The more pieces of equipment between us the better. To make matters worse during the whole bike incident, shortly after lady #1 enters the picture, a second lady comes and starts using the bike directly on the OTHER side of me! She also had bad breath and I don't think she knows what deodorant is! Now I'm pinned in and the room is starting to close in! Not that I start to panic or anything, but it makes me very irritated and completely messes with my workout. So my message to gym users everywhere, BACK OFF! Give me some space! Let me breath!

Home Sweet Home

I closed on my house this past week and am moving the end of this coming week. I'm very excited and can't wait to get settled and decorate. I've already started looking at paint colors. Now if someone would just buy my townhouse in Chattanooga, everything would be perfect! Here are some interior pictures for those of you who have asked to see more. Enjoy!

The Kitchen-my favorite room

The 1/2 bath and laundry

The Dinning Room The Bay Window in the Dinning RoomFull BathMy BedroomThe BackyardThe Garden-until I kill it

Changes

Change seems to be the theme this summer, and most of it seems to be for the better. I close on my new house the 30th, if all goes as planned. I am very much looking forward to my own space again. I am however NOT looking forward to packing and moving. It would be so nice if I could just zap all my stuff from one place to the next. Someone should really work on inventing something like that. It would be like the transporter thing on Star Trek. (yes I did just make a Star Trek reference on my blog!). I will post more pictures of my lovely new house later next week, but for now here's a couple of the outside. I plan to spend lots of time relaxing on the front porch. I cut 10 1/2 inches off my hair a week ago and now that I have gotten use to it being so short, and loving it. It's much easier to wash and fix. I can't remember the last time it was this short though. I felt a bit naked for a day or two. It's more layered in the back, but it's kind of hard to take a picture of the back of your own head, so for now the front shots will have to do. I cut my hair to donate to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program. The partner with the American Cancer Society to distribute free real human hair wigs to patients. This is the 3rd time I've cut my hair to donate, and plan to continue to do so in the future. I figured I'm blessed with healthy hair that grows crazy fast, and this is something simple I can do to provide a very special thing to those in need. For more info, check out the link to the left. This week I offically joined the team from CMDA that is going to Mexico the end of October to do GYN surgery. It's that same organization I went with 2 years ago and we're going back to the same place. I really enjoyed it last time, and am looking forward to it again. I am an "only" child for the week. C is in FL this week with her friends for one final adventure before they all head off to college. R offically moved to Greenville, SC today to start her teaching job there, and E has been gone for over a month now. It's kind of strange for the house to be this empty. In August when C moves to college, my parents will be childless at home for the first time in almost 31 years! Craziness I tell you.

What month is it?

Where did June go? I can't believe it's July all ready. June was such a crazy, busy month that the days just seemed to fly by. I am currently enjoying a much needed week off from work. I feel like I've worked constantly since I came back from visiting Alicia at the beginning of the month. Probably, because I basically have! When I haven't been working at the hospital, I've been volunteering as medical staff out at Doe River Gorge Christian Camp. I enjoy it a lot, but it can take a lot out of me between all the kids, the heat, and the short supply of sleep. Work has seemed especially hectic this month because the nurse's station is being redone which means we've been in this little makeshift area that is not conducive to efficient patient care. And yes, I've been complaining about it. a lot. It's ridiculous though. It's taken them a month to take down wallpaper, paint, and put in new counter tops. It seriously should have been a one week project. Hopefully it will be done by the time I head back to work on Saturday evening. It had better be! :) Right now I'm hanging out for a few days in Chattanooga so I can relax and have some me time. I've done a lot of sitting on the couch and sleeping in. It's been wonderful. Last night I got to hang out with 2 of my friends from PA school. It was great to see them and catch up.
Since it is now officially July, that means we have entered my birthday month (it's the 28th for anyone that's wondering). I'm turning 26 and for some reason it's a bit harder than turning 25. I'm not really sure why. It's one year closer to turning 30 and it's hitting me hard that I'm still single. I'm trying to get over that though and just enjoy all that I have going for me right now. I bought a house on Monday. Now I have two. Yes, my townhouse in Chattanooga still hasn't sold. Up until recently it didn't really bother me, but now that the reality of making 2 house payments is on the horizon, I'm starting to get anxious about getting rid of my townhouse. So any extra prayers that you may say that it will sell soon would be greatly appreciated!
I probably won't post again before then, so I hope that everyone has a safe and fun 4th of July. I know I plan on enjoying some fireworks.

Baby Fever

I love children of all ages, but there is a special place in my heart for babies. It's no secret that I hope to have several of my own some day, and hopefully that day is sooner rather than later. This past weekend I flew to Richmond to visit my best friend and college roomie, Alicia. She had her little boy, Noah, in February and this was the first opportunity that I had to go meet him. I may be a bit bias, but he is seriously one of the most adorable babies I have ever seen! You can judge for yourself from his pictures. I took plenty of pictures of Noah, but somehow didn't manage to get a single one of me and Alicia. Oh well! He is a very good baby full of smiles and laughs. We bonded instantly, and I wanted to steal him at the end of the weekend. It was great to hang out with Alicia and spend some quality time catching up and talking about life. She's one of those people that just gets me and I don't know what I'd ever do with out her. It was quite hot in Richmond. By quite hot, I mean it was 102 and 111 degrees with the heat index on Sunday! At 930 at night it was still a whopping 93 degrees! Fortunately it was a dry heat, because if humidity had been added to that extreme heat, it would have been completely unbearable. I had lots of fun and came back refreshed. Visiting Alicia is pretty much like one big therapy session of me. I wish I had the chance to visit with her more often.

Travel Adventures

This past week, I did a lot of travelling, which I love. Last Thursday, after working the night before, I travelled to Knoxville with the rest of my family for my sister Elizabeth's graduation. She got her degree is architecture and will be starting a job in Greenville, SC the middle of June. After enjoying a wonderful meal at Calhoun's, I got back in my car and headed toward Nashville. I managed to make it through the rain, fog, and millions on truck drivers and arrived safe and sound in time to have dinner with my dear friend Leah and her BF. The next morning, at the crack of dawn, we got up and headed to the airport for our flight to DC. Leah accidentally forgot to take her Swiss Army knife out of her purse and got stopped by security when her bag went through x-ray at the checkpoint. This particular knife held a lot of sentimental value and it's actually from Europe, has Leah's name on it, and was a gift from Val. While I continued on to the gate, Leah went back out of the gate and left her knife at this little place that will hold items until you return in cases just like this. Fortunately this was the only hitch in our travels, and we arrived safely at BWI, met Val and baggage claim, and caught the train to Union Station. From there we navigated our way through the Metro and met Jen at the stop near her house. Finally we were all together for the first time in almost a year. It was such a wonderful weekend and I greatly enjoyed the chance to escape from "the real world" for a bit. These girls are 3 of the most important people in my life and I don't know what I would ever do without them. We spent time just hanging out, catching up on life, eating, shopping, and simply enjoying the pleasure of each other's company. It was cold and rainy the whole time we were in DC, but some how that didn't seem to matter. We still managed to have a blast. On Monday, we got the chance to celebrate Val's 26th birthday before we headed to the airport for our trips back home. I drove back to Johnson City the next morning, and now am now spending the next 4 days at work. But it was worth every minute of it!

It's a Picture

This is my friend Erika and me at her wedding (the one I mentioned in my other post.) It reminds me a bit of picture of us when we were 4 at our Rainbow Bright Birthday Party. Only now we're a little older, and our dresses are much cuter! This is definitely one for the scrapbook.

Working Nights

Right now I'm on my rotation of nights at the hospital. I'm not actually working right now, but the joy of the night shift is that even on nights that I don't find myself in the ER, I often find myself awake late. It's actually easier to stay on a semi-night shift throughout the whole stretch so that my body doesn't get confused. I don't really mind the night shift. I've always been a bit of a night owl. In my "younger days" I was also an early morning person, which meant I didn't sleep very much. Now I'm "older" and need a bit more beauty sleep. Of course more is a relative term because now I get about 6 hours on average, compared to the 4 that I use to function on. I can still make 4 work when I have to, but I really prefer the 6. The ER is quite the interesting place at night. I often wonder what makes people get up out of their nice warm beds to make a trip out to the hospital in the middle of the night. I understand if a person thinks they're having "the big one" or is in horrible pain, but it's the minor things or the person that can clearly wait until the doctor's office is open in the morning, that really make me wonder. I confess that I have been a patient in the ER in the early morning hours twice, but both times it was because of kidney stones, and the first time I was forced.

I only have to work nights 1 1/2 weeks out of every 5, so I can't complain too much. Sometimes I would rather do the nights because my body is becoming less and less fond of having to get out of the bed at 630am for the day shift. It's not too bad when it's part of my routine and I do it every day, but when it's only now and then, it's a lot harder. At the end of my stretch of days, I work four in a row. By the last day, I'm just starting to get use to getting up early, and then I have 7 days off. Now I love having those 7 days off, even though I usually pick up a shift or two during that time, but it's still a bit irritating to finally establish a routine, just to have it broken.

I realize I'm not really saying much in this post, but I'm bored, and can't sleep therefore I blog. I can only check my e-mail so many times before even I will admit that I'm a bit OCD. Let's see what else is going one.... I made another trip back to Chattanooga. My house is still for sale (anyone want to buy it? please!). It ended up being a very emotionally draining trip for the most part. I won't take the time to go into the details because I'm still a bit perplexed by it all and need time to sort it all out in my head. At the beginning of the trip I had hoped to get some answers, and I ended up leaving with more questions than before. I've decided I'm going to volunteer some as medical staff this summer at Doe River Gorge (it's a christian outdoor adventure camp for those of your who aren't familiar with it). The idea hit me a bit late in the game, so they don't have too much of a need, but I still will be able to help out some. I think it will be fun and a neat way to use my medical talents. I'm also thinking about going on another medical mission trip in October. It would be with the same organization I went with 2 years ago (CMDA). It's also the same group leader and they're going to the same location. I'm praying about it and trying to figure out if I will be able to get the time off from work. I'd love to go again. It was a wonderful experience and I loved getting to be apart of the surgical team.

Coming attractions in my life include:
1. A trip to DC in 9 days to see three of my bestest friends- Valerie, Leah, and Jennifer. The 4 of us haven't all been together since about this time last year, and I can't wait. It's going to be a blast. Plus I like DC a lot and it's been a while since I made a visit there.
2. Both of my younger sisters will graduate in the next few weeks. Elizabeth from college, and Christine from high school. It makes me feel old. Especially when I remember that I graduated from college 5 years ago and high school 8 years ago. Where does the time go?
3. In June I'm going to Richmond to visit my college roomie Alicia, and see her son for the first time since his birth. I'm also really looking forward to it. I haven't seen her since the end of November and I am in need of some quality "therapy time" that only she can provide.

I wish I had more interesting things to blog about or at least some good ER stories, but this is my life right now, so I write what I know. My body may not be tired, but my brain is and it's emotionally taxed so I don't have the energy to be creative or funny at the moment.

A Weekend of Thinking

Yesterday, I attended the wedding of one of my childhood friends. It seems weird to use that term, but that's what we are. We were best friends growing up, but time and life have taken their toll and we have drifted apart a bit. It was a beautiful wedding in spite of the weather, and it was nice to have a laid back atmosphere where everyone just seemed to go with the flow. I am truly happy for her and wish her the best as she begins her new life as a wife.
Lately, every time I go to a friend's wedding it gets a little bit harder for me. I watch as the number of my single friends dwindles and the number of married couples grows. I try not to be bitter as I want nothing but the best for my friends, but I can't help but wonder when it's going to be my turn. I know I'm young and a lot of people my age aren't married, but I feel like I'm so ready for it.
At church recently we've talking about living out our strengths and finding jobs that use our strengths. I feel like I use my strengths in my current profession. I feel very alive at work and enjoy the satisfaction that I have from knowing I do my job well. I like to work. I like to stay busy. I get bored when I have too many days off in a row. I don't have to try very hard to do a good job in the ER, it comes pretty naturally to me. I think most of the time I do a pretty good job of recognizing my strengths and pursuing them. That's probably because I don't do things I'm not good at. It's not that I give up easily or don't try, but when I realize that I'm clearly not cut out for something, I don't do it. That's not to say that I'm not open to new things and adventures, because I am, I'm just not going to waste my time doing things I'm bad at or don't enjoy.
I think my strengths are my loyalty to others, being a helper and a "doer", and my ability to multi-task. I consider myself to be a good friend. I would do anything for my friends and have best friends that I have had since childhood. I rely on my friends to keep me accountable and be my support. I try hard to make sure that we stay in touch and visit when we can. My true friends know me in a way that few people do. I hope that they would agree that I am a loyal friend. I also get a lot of enjoyment out of helping people and being a "doer". Health care was a very natural job field for me because as generic as it sounds, I really do feel that I am good at helping people. Beyond taking care of sick people and helping them feel better, I think I am able to help people on a more personal level. I am a problem solver and have always enjoyed puzzles and such. My gut sense of people is normally dead on. I'm a pretty good judge of character for the most part. I am often the one my friends and family come to if they need advice or want to bounce an idea of someone. As far as being a "doer", that's how I show people I care. I like to do things for others, especially things I know they will like or may not have time to do for themselves. I may not always use words to express my feelings but in my actions I feel that I truly communicate my appreciation and love for others. My ability to multitask is not so much a strength for me, but a way of life. I very rarely do just one thing at a time. I have to be really tired to just be focusing on one task. I remember a time in college when my roommate came in to find me sitting at the computer with music playing, the TV on, while I was writing a research paper. That's the way I am though, I like to keep my mind busy. Maybe that comes from growing up in a house with 6 other people where there was always a million things going on at one time. I think it was ingrained in me at birth though, because I remember being that way even when I was a child. I was the kid who liked to do workbooks in the summer, because I needed to stay busy. (yes I believe we've established before that I'm a nerd) In the ER, one has to be able to multitask in order to survive. You'll drown in all the chaos if you can't do more than one thing at a time!
If you've managed to read this far and are still hanging in there, you may be wondering where I'm going with all this. While this post may appear to be pretty random, it really is all connected. As much as I feel like I am living my strengths by being a PA in the ER, I feel there is something more that I have to offer. As much as I love my job and working, I would give it all up to be a wife and mother because I feel like in that role is where I can truly live out my strengths. I had a friend in high school who wrote in my senior year book that I would make an awesome wife and mom someday, and while that was a really weird thing for him to write, I think that he was very right. The words he wrote seem to come to me a random times and I often wonder why. I try and be patient and trust that God has a plan for my life that includes what I desire, but sometimes it's hard. Especially when it seems like everyone around me has what I want and I'm left out of this wonderful experience. Several of my friends have started to have children, and that makes it even harder. I love children and seem to have a natural ability to relate to them. I worked in the nursery for several years at church, and loved to just hold them and watch them play. As happy as I am for my friends that are married and starting families, I have to fight the jealousy and "why not me" questions that often fill my thoughts. I hope and pray that someday soon I will get the chance to enter the role where I truly feel I can live in my strengths. For now though, I will keep plugging away in the ER and using my abilities to help the people that I see there.

Hospital Wars

Up until now, I have resisted the urge to "publicly" comment on the great Wellmont-MSHA battle, but after the events of last evening I decided I wanted to share my opinion. I do work at JCMC, but I'm not employed by MSHA, so I don't truely have any offical ties to them. I'm not sure why so many people are anti-MSHA. Do they do things perfectly? No, but what major business or corportation does? I wonder if all those people who are convinced that having a Wellmont ER closer to Johnson City would be the best thing ever, have ever received care from a Wellmont facility. Do they even know the kind of care they are inviting into the area? I regularly treat a good number of people from Kingsport, Bristol, and Greenville at JCMC. For the most part, those people have been to a Wellmont ER before, and would rather drive 30 minutes to an hour rather than go back to the hospital down the road. It's something to think about. I think competition is a good thing. It's what drives business and the economy. And like it or not, health care has become a business. I just don't think having a Wellmont ER in Boones Creek is going to change the current situation in the ERs in Johnson City. People complain about the long wait times, but the truth is most of people who come to the ER, don't need to be there in the first place. Too many people use the ER as a walk-in clinic or a primary care doctor. That has to change before things will get better. Do I think the area could use another hospital system to provide some competition for MSHA? Probably. Do I think Wellmont is the answer? Probably not.

Driving Habits

I have road rage. I know this. Most people who know me know this. I went to Chattanooga for a few days at the beginning of this week to check on my townhouse, which is still for sale, and visit with some friends. And of course during my interstate driving time, the road rage came out in full force. I don't know why I get so upset when I drive, but I do. I don't cuss very much, but when I'm behind the wheel the words just fly out of my mouth. I promise it's like someone or something takes over my body. I love to drive fast. I'm not sure why, but it's such a thrill for me. I'm convinced my car was made to go 80-85mph, really that's where it's most comfortable. I like rules, limits, and absolutes. Normally I'm a stickler for following rules, except for when it comes to speeding. I know that in all honesty, I'm breaking the law, but when I speed I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. Maybe it's because I think that in most cases the speed limit is too low and that speed is not necessarily a function of your driving abilities. There are plenty of people out there who drive the speed limit (and under it!) that are horrible drivers. A lot of them are more of a traffic hazard than those of us who choose to push the upper limits of speed. :) I still can't figure out where my "need for speed" came from though. I'm a very competitive person, but it's not like I feel the need to be the fastest driver on the road. If someone comes up behind me gong faster than I am, I will gladly get out of their way (a courtesy I wish other drivers would follow!) I think that you can be a fast driver, and still be a very good driver. I obey all other traffic rules. I use my turn signal, move to the left lane when others are trying to merge, I don't cut people off, and I don't tailgate unnecessarily. I know that at some point I will probably get a ticket, and I'd like to tell you that it will stop me from speeding, but it won't.

What Happened to Spring Break?

Ahh, it's that time of year again, Spring Break. A whole week off to relax, catch up on sleep, hang out with friends, travel, or do whatever you want. I miss that week. As an "adult" with a "real job" that wonderful week is just a distant memory. Why is that? The concept of Spring Break is great, but why limit it to students and teachers? I think it should be extended to all adults. You might be thinking that if everyone was on vacation, everything would shut down and stop, but it could be a staggered thing like the school systems do. I think most adults that work a full time job could use a break that doesn't cut into their regular vacation time. I know I could!
I have some great memories from Spring Breaks past. There was the year of the blizzard (1993) where we got a ton of snow and the power was out for days that probably ranks as the most memorable Spring Break for me as a child. In high school, I got to travel to Europe and Charleston, both of which were great trips. In college, I went to Peru to do medical missions and back to Europe again for an "educational" trip. I think my favorite trip though, was the one that I took in PA school with my roomies from college. Went to Paris for a week, just the 3 of us. There was no schedule, no tour guide, and no one telling us where to be and what time to be there. It was wonderful. We got a chance to see what we wanted and we didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn to do it. It was fun, relaxing, and I came home with the best souvenir. (For those of you who may not be aware, this is the trip when I got my first tattoo). I will always remember and cherish that trip. Mostly, because that was my last Spring Break. So for all of you that get the week off, enjoy and treasure these times, because all too soon for the majority of you, Spring Break will be just a distant memory.

Appalachian ER

Okay Robin, this story is for you. After your comment on my previous post, I was inspired to share yet another fun adventure from my experiences in the ER. The other night at about 4am I picked up a chart where the chief complaint read as two stab wounds to the head. I never know what I'm going to walk into when a patient sign in with lacerations or stabbing as a complaint because it can be anything from what can only be described as a paper cut, to the guy I saw yesterday that had bone fragments sticking out of his thumb. I was relieved to walk into the exam room and find an alert patient with only a moderate amount of blood on his shirt. I introduced myself and asked him to BRIEFLY describe what happened to him (I make it a point to emphasise the word briefly because if not some people will start with birth and give me their entire medical history. honestly it's the ER I only care why you are here today!). He explained to me that he got stabbed in the head twice by his girlfriend because he told her he was going to leave her. And what you may ask was her weapon of choice? An Indian arrowhead. Seriously, I don't make this stuff up. Who would have an arrowhead handy? I realize she probably grabbed the first sharp object she saw, but was it just laying on the coffee table or something? Fortunately my patient had a pretty good sense of humor and I got a good laugh out of it and was able to give him a hard time about it. Yes, this is my life.

Out There

Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever reads my blog and if so what do they think about it? I know a few of my friends keep with with my blog, but wondering more about the "strangers" or the "semi strangers" that may stumble across what I write. Sometimes I feel a bit like a stalker when I read the blogs of people I only kind of know or know through a friend. It's weird to feel as if you're a part of some one's life and they don't even know it. I've gotten in to the habit of regularly reading other people's blogs lately and I often find what I read either makes me laugh or provides me with some food for thought. I'd like to think that my ramblings do that for others at least on some small scale. I realize I don't write a lot of posts that would qualify as deep intellectual thought, but every now and then I feel like I somehow manage to squeeze out a few lines that might shed a new perspective on things. And while I don't necessarily consider myself a "funny" person, I definitely am sarcastic and I hope that my wit and sense of humor comes across as I write. I'm someone who keeps a pretty tight lid on my emotions and blogging lets me release them a little bit, without really having to talk to anyone. I try not to filter what I put out there (except for some of the medical stories) because I want to be real and able to express the things that bug me or touch me or inspire me or just plain piss me off. I realize that in a lot of my posts it seems like I'm complaining about my life, but for me it's more venting. I just need to let it all out every now and then and I feel like this is my space to do it in.
So whether you read my blog regularly or just stumble upon it randomly, I hope that I add something to your day as you read. And I'd love to know what you think, so use that comment function!

New Year, New Job

I've been working at the Med Center for a little over a week now and am starting to feel like I'm getting the hang of things. I worked 6 out of 7 days last week and it was pretty crazy every shift. Most everyone that I've meet so far has been very nice and helpful. I like the other midlevels that I work with, and am starting to get in good with some of the nurses. It's is a bit strange to be the only full time female midlevel provider, but then again, I've always been one to hang with the boys! I went to elementary, middle, and high school with one the guys I work with and it's been nice to reconnect with a familar face and talk about the "old days." So far, I've encountered a good number people of that I know. Some of them past class mates, a few people from the community, and some that remember me from when I did my rotation here almost 3 years ago.
One of the things I like most about my new job, is the amount of respect I receive as a PA here. Doctors and residents are appreciative when I see their patients and do all the work up for them. They talk to me like I know what I am doing and converse with me as they would a colleague. It's a nice change to have residents available for consult and physicians that will actually set foot in the ER. Sometime there are so many specialist in the ER at one time that you are tripping over them, where as before it was as if they didn't want to be caught dead in the ER. In Chattanooga, the on call doctors (with the exception of the OB/GYNs) treated me like I were stupid simply because I wasn't a physician and basically refused to talk to you (even when I was the one that knew the most about the patient). At the Med Center, I get to decide if a patient needs to be admitted, call the appropriate doctor, and actually discuss my patient with them. It's really nice to appreciated and encouraged to be independent.
Another wonderful change has been the significant decrease in the amount of OB/GYN care that I have had to do. Some days in Chattanooga, that was all I did. Mind you, I got to the point where I could do it in my sleep, but it's nice not to have to do some many freaking pelvic exams. The first 3 shifts I worked, I got to do my first spinal tap on a real person (I've practiced on models and dead chickens) and did ZERO pelvic exams. It was wonderful.
While there are lots of good things to be said about my new job, I do miss my old one. I miss the people I worked with and the comfort level I had there. In some ways I have to proove myself to the nurses and ER Docs here all over again. Before, everyone knew that I was easy to get along with, worked hard, and that I knew what I was doing. Now I have to work to establish that again. I know in time that it will come, but for now I miss being able to joke with the staff and be the super sarcastic person that I naturally am. I look forward to seeing what else my new job holds and the many things I'm sure that I will learn here. But don't worry, I won't forget my roots. After all, I was just a "baby PA" when I started in Chattanooga, and I am the PA I am today because of what I learned there.