13 June 2009

A little of this and a little of that

I've had a lot of really random things going through my head and in order to maintain my sanity (or at least what's left of it), I'm putting it out there. Some of it may more than you readers might want to know about me, but since it's my blog, I get to write what I want. Be warned though. Also, I may rant a lot about somethings that have been bugging me lately, so think of this as me venting all the stuff I've been holding in.
I figure I'll easy into the deep stuff and start with a topic that is near and dear to my heart: driving-particularly in this region. Now I took driver's ed in high school so I know that you really don't get much instruction there (3 days of driving about 30 minutes and 2 weeks of class), but still you should pick up the basics. For instance, using your turn signals. It's not hard I promise and they come standard on all cars, though you probably wouldn't know that seeing how very few people use them! I may drive fast and have road rage, but I always use my signals. And I use them properly. Putting your signal on as you're turning or even after the fact, doesn't count, and just because you have your signal on doesn't mean you can cut me off either. Turn signals are meant to give to drivers around you a clue as to what you're about to do. Please use them responsibly. And don't forget to make sure it goes off after you change lanes or turn. Overuse is almost as bad as under use!
Now to some deeper stuff.
I had to go to the "girly" doctor this week for my yearly checkup and I had a really hard time being in the waiting room with all the pregnant women. Those of you that know me well are aware of my deep love for children and my desire to be a mom. I was overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and jealousy as I sat there watching them. I want to be a part of the mommy club so badly. It's a little crazy of course seeing as how I am very single, and it doesn't look that's going to change in the near future. I try and be content with what I have, but it's hard because I want more than that. I'm turning 27 next month and I'm having a hard time with it. Not so much because I think 27 is old, but because the things I'd hoped to have in my life by the next big milestone (the big 3-0) probably aren't going to happen. I don't know what the future holds and God certainly has a better grasp of what my life holds, but I'm a realist and so I can't help but be a little sad as my birthday draws closer. I know it's in me to be a great wife and mom and I want the chance to prove that. I want it to be my turn it to have it all for once. I don't know that the fairytale of happily ever after exists, but I'd still like to try my hand at it. I've been in love before and had my heart broken, but I still believe that true love exists (is anyone replaying the princess bride scene in your head cause I am). These days it's no big deal for couples to just live together and not getting married seems to be the in thing, but maybe I'm old fashioned cause I still want to find that guy, get married, and raise a family together. My biggest fear is that won't happen for me. So to all those who are married or in committed relationships, know that I do envy you a bit.
The little things have really been pushing my buttons lately. Things that I have no control over, but really seem to irritate me a lot these days. I've had to restrict the times I go run errands because I'm try to limit the chances of me encountering these situations. For example, I was Food City last week waiting at the self checkout line (with several people behind me) and this guy walks up and completely cuts line. It made me very irritated, which is stupid, but still how third grade is it to cut line! It happens to me in Walmart a lot too. People standing in the middle of the aisle with a cart so no one can get past, letting your kids run wild so they almost get killed by shopping carts, making complicated requests at the checkout lane, not being able to count to 20 (please take off your shoes if it helps you to choose the appropriate line), and many other silly little things. But for some reason it drives me crazy. I can almost feel my blood pressure rise. I know I should learn to control it, but I don't honestly know that I want to. I'm also not sure that I can. I like rules and social norms. I like absolutes and standards. It bothers me when people don't follow them, even the little ones.
So for now, that's all I have to say. I just needed to get it out there to free up so head space. Hopefully it will help some.