26 January 2010

Just Me

Lonely: 1. a: being without company b: cut off from others: solitary
            2. sad from being alone
            3. producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation
Most of the time I'm okay being alone. It's nice to be able to do what I want, when I want, and not have to worry about anyone but myself. When it's just me no one cares if I'm put my pjs on as soon as I get home from work or if I eat the same thing for dinner 4 nights in a row. No one sees if I turn up the music and dance while cleaning. I can work out in my living room and not have to worry what I look like struggling to keep up with Jillian. If I don't feel like doing the dishes, I can just leave them in the sink. And if I feel like sitting around all night and doing nothing, there's no one to make me feel guilty for being lazy.
But then there are the not so great things about being alone all the time. Coming home to an empty house, eating dinner alone, no one to talk to, sitting on the couch by myself hoping for something decent on tv to fill the hours til I can justify going to bed. When I'm sad or have a bad day at work there's no one there to give be a hug when I get home and tell me it's all going to be okay.
Sometimes the silence is deafening. Sometimes I just lay on the couch and cry because it hurts to be alone. Sometimes I just want someone there to talk about my day and to cook dinner for. I'm just tired of being alone. There's not a whole lot I can do about it, which sucks. I just feel stuck. I just want someone to share my life with.

“I've got everything I need except a man. And I'm not one of those women who thinks a man is the answer to everything, but I'm tired of being alone.”

“Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named, not good” John Milton

1 comment:

megan said...

I so appreciate your heart-which is so beautiful! I think you are an amazing, amazing woman-with more strength than you even know. I will be praying for you. you are loved.